It’s the end of the year, the dreaded doldrums between the greatness of college football season and the greatness of the college football bowl season.
We’re passing the time with remembering our favorite tweets, phrases, outburts and utterings this year.
OK. Cool. Read ’em! Do we have to say any more? We’re not going to! So quit asking.
Welcome to college football, Herm
“Am I supposed to be looking at you? Am I looking at you, cameraman? Who am I looking at? That camera? OK. Got all these cameras, I don’t know who to look at. Who’s in charge of this? Send somebody up here and say what camera you’re supposed to look at.”
— New Arizona State coach Herm Edwards, upon taking the podium at Pac-12 media day.
“Most college coaches wanna score. They always think points are the thing, that’s how offenses are run. That’s where it gets away from them, I think.”
— Edwards, explaining why he ran the clock down to :04 to kick a field goal to beat Michigan State 16-13 instead of going for a touchdown.
“Signing Day is a little bit unusual for me, because in pro football, you get to draft them. In college, they get to pick you!”
— Edwards, on college recruiting.
There’s no higher praise from Mark Richt
“It’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. It’s really the greatest thing since the 10-bite sandwich, actually.”
— Miami coach Mark Richt on the turnover chain.
Don’t give too much away
— Texas coach Tom Herman, when asked at Big 12 media day how many “elite” players he has on his roster.
Is Nick Saban going to watch this?
Hint: He’s not going to. So quit asking.
Nick Saban shows frustration as he refuses to answer questions comparing Tua Tagovailoa and Jalen Hurts.
More of Saban’s best
“I hope we elect to kick ass.”
— Saban, on his radio show, on if he’d elect to kick off or receive to start the game when No. 1 Alabama met No. 3 LSU.
“I’m not really interested in any of your suggestions about how we should manage our team and what we should do to get better, regardless of what you think, just because we’re playing The Citadel.”
— On whether he was considering sitting starters, namely Tua Tagovailoa, against their Week 12 FCS foe.
“To me it’s kind of like mouse manure when you’re up to your ears in elephant doo-doo.”
— Nick Saban in preseason talking about the NCAA’s new rules capping the number of headsets that can be worn on the sidelines.
To be fair, it was a lot
“He didn’t do nothin’ but get paid a whole bunch of money.”
— Houston defensive tackle Ed Oliver to Sports Illustrated on Texas A&M coach Jimbo Fisher getting selected for the main cover of Dave Campbell’s Texas Football magazine over him.
Welcome back, Les
“I’m having a little heartfelt here.”
— New Kansas coach Les Miles, on whatever he’s talking about.
wait for it pic.twitter.com/WpMZkWYAJa
— Tom Martin (@TomKCTV5) November 19, 2018
Life comes at you fast, Vol. 1
“I thought I was going to come here and have a bunch of turds, and we don’t.”
— Willie Taggart, at the ACC Football Kickoff in July, after taking over at Florida State.
“Embarrassing performance. First time since I’ve been here where I felt like we had some guys that quit on our football team, and that can’t be tolerated.”
— Taggart, after Florida State’s 59-10 home loss to Clemson on Oct. 27, the worst home defeat in FSU history.
Life comes at you fast, Vol. 2
“We knew they couldn’t hang with us. … Sometimes your little brother starts acting up, and you just gotta put them in place.”
— Michigan defensive end Chase Winovich to Fox on Michigan’s 21-7 victory over Michigan State.
“I would say to any recruit or any potential guy that sees maybe what happened in the Ohio State game — I would say that alone is a mirage and what we’ve built here is a powerhouse.”
— Winovich, in a media conference after Michigan accepted a bid to the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl following a 62-39 loss to the Buckeyes.
The Buckeyes responded.
Was it just a mirage? 🧐 pic.twitter.com/BqnwmOPTdl
— Ohio State Football (@OhioStateFB) December 11, 2018
Hot, but with bacon
“I guess stepping out of your front door every day and being smacked in the face with the humidity, that’s a pretty good ‘Welcome to the South’ moment. And everything being wrapped in bacon in food, that’s pretty good, too.”
— Mississippi State coach Joe Moorhead, who spent most of his life in the Northeast, on adjusting to live in Starkville.
“They don’t want to be out in the heat working. They’d rather be inside watching TV or playing Fortnite.”
— Mike Gundy, on why kids don’t go into farming anymore.
Same tbh again
“Someone is going to have to explain the definition of ‘targeting’ to me. From what I know, that wasn’t it. #GeauxTigers.”
— Louisiana Gov. John Bel Edwards on the targeting call on LSU linebacker Devin White in the fourth quarter vs. Mississippi State, which forced White to miss the first half of the Alabama game.
Coolest coach of the year award
“Hey, you wanna win the game? Let’s f*****g win the game.”
Dana Holgorsen. All the swag. pic.twitter.com/EggQacLGzd
— TJ Eckert (@TJEckertKTUL) November 3, 2018
— Dana Holgorsen, after a last-second touchdown pass from Will Grier to Greg Jennings Jr. cut Texas’ lead to 41-40 with a chance to win on a two-point conversion. Grier converted it with a pass to David Sills.
He did not ask his quarterback that question
Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy says “I don’t give a s— what” the players think about going for the 2-point conversion and it was his call.
Spot the coach who played linebacker
“RPO is the purest form of communism.”
— Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald, on how he doesn’t understand how offensive linemen get to block so far downfield on run-pass option plays.
Spot the player who plays on defense
“Just being real, they can score the ball and we can’t.”
— LSU cornerback Greedy Williams, after the season at the Home Depot College Football Awards, on the difference between LSU and Alabama.
He was open until he wasn’t
“We had a guy wide open. We took so long to snap it that they recognized it and got the guy covered late.”
— Kirby Smart, after Georgia was stuffed on a key fake punt call late in a 35-28 loss to Alabama in the SEC championship game.
So … nix the undershirt?
“These guys do not wear undershirts. These guys do not wear cutoff socks. If it was legal, they would be having a beer at halftime. They are old school. They want to fight you. … These guys wish they were smoking a cigarette and having a Budweiser.”
— Portland State coach Bruce Barnum on Montana State, to Skyline Sports.
All of these
— Marty Smith (@MartySmithESPN) August 20, 2018
Mike Leach’s annual appearance
“All you people who like disco and want to revive disco, you’re out of your mind. I don’t care what you think.”
— On his prom.
“You don’t wanna get tied up with him. You don’t want to let him get his hands on you. He is big and he’s got long leverage. So you don’t want him to get those things on you.”
— Scouting Oregon coach Mario Cristobal for a potential coach’s brawl.
“They didn’t pay me last time. And I’m happy here. … They haven’t paid me for 2009 and we won nine games that year. And they haven’t won nine games since.”
— On Dec. 1, dismissing news reports that he was interested in returning to Texas Tech.
A different kind of Leach appreciation
“They do the same thing year in and year out. This is five years in a row now. So it makes it really easy to game plan when an offense does the same thing every year. … But knowing what I read about the head football coach here, he does things a little different way. So hopefully he remains here a long time. That would be awesome.”
— Washington defensive coordinator Jimmy Lake on the Huskies’ 28-15 win over Washington State in the Apple Cup, the Huskies’ sixth straight win in the series.
The Champ of fashion
“I look skinnier. It’s true, it helps.”
— South Carolina coach Will Muschamp on why he often wears all black.
How about now?
“My apologies for our players not being able to attend your Spring game. Ours was the same day, bad timing.”
— Hawaii coach Nick Rolovich, in a since-deleted tweet, showing recruiting letters from Oregon State addressed to current Hawaii football players.
Welcome back, Chip
“The only person I’m disappointed in is [Oakland A’s general manager] Billy Beane, I wish he would have given him more money. Maybe he wouldn’t have come back.”
— UCLA coach Chip Kelly, after Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray accounted for 375 yards and five touchdowns in a Week 2 win over the Bruins.
“At one point Milli Vanilli was on top of the world, and then it all crashed and burned.”
— Kelly, on why USC’s three-game winning streak against the Bruins entering this season wasn’t a source of concern.
Best pick of the year
“The immediate future in my mind: Purdue beats Ohio State next Saturday.”
— Purdue fan Tyler Trent, who’s battling a rare form of bone cancer, to Tom Rinaldi after being asked, “How do you see the future?” Purdue beat the No. 6 Buckeyes 49-20 with Trent in attendance.
Tyler Trent, who is battling a serious illness, addresses the Purdue locker room after a 49-20 upset win over No. 2 Ohio State.
Seems a bit heavy
“A few years back I had an opportunity to ask a three-star general, I had a question for him. I said, ‘What is it that makes our country, our military superior to every other military in the world?’ He said, ‘That’s easy. We’re the only football-playing nation in the world. Most of the troops have grown up playing the game at some point in their life at some level. The lessons that they learned from that game is what makes us who we are.’ I believe the game is under attack right now. … I fear that the game will get pushed so far to one extreme that you won’t recognize the game 10 years from now. And I do believe that if it gets to that point, that our country goes down, too.”
— Former North Carolina coach Larry Fedora, who said data is manipulated to make football appear more dangerous than he believes it is.
Double the fun with two Texas-OU games
I told Breckyn Hager that kansas scored 40 on Oklahoma. “But OU has no defense” he responded.
He then looked at the clock. “And what time is it? It’s 11:12 … and OU still sucks.”
See? Rivalries can still be fun. pic.twitter.com/4NbWoXkjHj
— Bob Ballou (@BobBallouSports) November 18, 2018
“Blows my mind. We hung 50 on them, too. If anyone on their defense has anything to say, they can have fun playing Kyler [Murray] next week.”
— Oklahoma linebacker Curtis Bolton, referencing Texas’ 48-45 win in their first matchup in response to Breckyn Hager’s remark, before Oklahoma’s 39-27 win in the Big 12 title game.
“[Laughs] I’ve got no comment on that.”
— Oklahoma QB Murray, on if he respects Sam Ehlinger’s game.
“Ol’ boy doesn’t like losing. But you lost, so it is what it is. … To be honest with you, I really don’t care. It’s funny to me. I saw it and I started laughing. It’s very, very funny. I’m probably going to laugh after this, and go look at it and laugh some more.”
— Texas DE Charles Omenihu on Murray’s “no comment” before the rematch.
Dabo always delivers
“Lamented? Lamented. Is that like laminated? I don’t know what that is. New word. Hey man, I’m from Alabama. It’s a big word. Lamented. Lemme write that down. I’ma tell ’em, ‘I lament, y’all.’ They’re gonna look at me just like I looked at you.”
— Clemson coach Dabo Swinney, on if he lamented his punt team’s performance.
“That was the ultimate troll, wasn’t it?… I was hoping y’all might notice that.”
— Clemson coach Dabo Swinney, on a play-call card with a laptop photo on the sideline against NC State, a year after Wolfpack coach Dave Doeren accused Clemson of using a laptop on the sideline to gain an advantage.
Our top five of 2018
5. “Those came from Rutgers.”
— West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen, when asked before the Kansas game if he was concerned about the Jayhawks’ defense having eight players with at least one interception.
4. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about Twitter. [fart noise]”
— Mike Gundy, on Twitter.
3. “I didn’t appreciate getting punched in my pacemaker.”
— LSU analyst Steve Kragthorpe, after an on-field brawl followed the seven-overtime Texas A&M-LSU thriller.
2. “He’s the only one I’ve ever met who can handle my junk.”
— New Liberty football coach Hugh Freeze, on Jesus.
1. “OK. Cool. Hook Em!”
— Texas coach Tom Herman, in a text response to former Ohio State assistant Zach Smith, who was threatening to divulge embarrassing information about him.